31 (Revived) Days of Horror: Gallery of Horror

What a terrible, terrible film.

Normally, I’d preface my review with something pithy and hopefully entertaining, but since everyone involved in Gallery of Horror (1967) couldn’t bother to do the same, I’ll also pass. I’ve seen some bad movies in my time, but this one might actually be the worst of them. I say that with zero hyperbole.

Gallery of Horror is another anthology movie containing five short and equally terrible films. The only thing that serves as a framing story is John Carradine posed beside a piece of crappy gothic art and providing an introduction to each. Introductions which sometimes have nothing to do with the story to follow. Prime Video summarizes the film as “John Carradine narrates five horror tales, each with a comically predictable surprise ending.” I’ll argue that “comically” implies there’s some entertainment to be found here and there’s not.

The actors, including Carradine and an in-need-of-work Lon Chaney Jr., are more wooden than the sets. The cast is comprised of everyone who auditioned for community theatre and was turned away. The stock footage has more charisma than anyone appearing in the actual film and the English language went on strike to protest its mistreatment by the movie’s writers. There is nothing to recommend this movie. Not even an “it’s so bad, it’s good” factor.

For the very first time in the Halloween movie marathon history, I award Gallery of Horror a big fat zero out of 5 skulls. I repeat, do not watch this film. Forget I ever mentioned it.

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